A Hot Mess
Here I am literally right on my butt. I wish I could say it was after a brisk healthy run but it was after a session of content creating. After all my promises to myself in June to take care of myself, establish a healthy routine and enjoy my summer, all bets were off during July. So here I am starting August as a hot mess.
I am behind on doctors appointments, have been stress eating, not getting enough exercise, never started my yoga practice and drinking too many latte's which I have become addicted to because of my good fortune in getting to hang out in Europe. Also they like good bread there and I have become a carb-a-holic. Have I also become addicted to being busy? Am I trying to avoid something? My clinically trained brain is serving up these types of questions a mile a minute and my physically exhausted body is saying just shut up, let her lie down and sleep or read some good books.
I apologize for being incommunicado the last two weeks. I have been traveling non-stop and working on finishing up the online course I was bamboozled (a great word, no?) into. Some very good things have happened though, like signing on with a literary agent to develop and write a book, getting some fun and creative campaigns because my talent agent Max is awesome and having a really nice vacation with my daughter. I have two great interns lined up with much needed skill sets that I do not possess. I am going to pay them a commission when they help me with paid content. One of them showed me how to do the new section below, LUXURE, where basically I am posting things that I lust for and in the future offer a way for readers to visit and explore what different designers, artists and other creators, like chefs for example, might have to offer. She also sent me an email with written instructions for while she is away!
But as always I overextended. My ideas and opportunities are bigger than my current resources and abilities. Sort of like eyes and stomachs.
So I hate to say it but I had nothing. Nothing that could inspire me enough to sit down and write. I was not doing my morning scans of visuals and articles that always in the past led to an interesting thought and something to write about. I intended to of course, I uploaded photos before I left with the intent of sitting in the business lounge at the airport and writing while I waited for my flight. Didn't happen. I also politely declined some offers made by others to write for my blog. I am either stubbornly self reliant or arrogant but I feel like it would not be the same if other people wrote things for me. Am I being grandiose?
Don't forgive me or be kind, I got myself into this despite my best intentions and I really do need to learn my lesson. Believe me I am not complaining, I am reporting. In the world of challenges this is a very good one to have. I am so very fortunate to be at this place, at this time in my life, with a supportive partner and family and good health (as well as all of you who are always cheering me on as you did making wonderful suggestions about book ideas). I just have not figured out how to manage it all. Kind of like an abundance of riches.
Complicating this is my unfortunate tendency to rebel against the idea that I need structure to function optimally and since I have had none, consequently my home and I are not in the best of shape. So I am down to the wire now as the countdown begins to the new semester and Fashion Month and I need to hit the ground running, So just like we shared the month of "Re" to recalibrate and have a good structure, I am going to use the month of August to clean up my hot mess and as I am doing so try to create some interesting content for you as i am doing it.
If you have any good recommendations about cleaning up "hot messes" I would love to hear them.
Missed you, L.